You Don’t Have to Feel Like a Criminal…

One cold evening, I crept into a narrow store room behind my class. “It is the best time to do it,” I thought to myself. Almost all of the students had walked out on their break. I only had to escape two remaining pairs of eyes which were hooked on their phone. Carefully watching my steps, I quickly but silently moved like lightning towards the room. I stood there in the dark. The room was so narrow with tall shelves filled with supplies. During my class, I’d remembered seeing staff randomly walking into this room to fetch things. I crept to the darkest side of the room to avoid anyone seeing me. I only had a few minutes to finish my task but every second felt like an eternity. Even though the room was cold, sweat trickled down my back. My mind was clouded with thoughts, mostly negative. Every movement of my hands and feet were louder in my imagination, but my heart pounded even louder than that! It raced with all its might. The entire time, a voice screamed within me to stop and run back. I tried to concentrate but my body knew I wasn’t supposed to be there and my mind was in full ‘flight mode’.

I was as quick as a wink to finish my task. I walked out, yet again, quickly and cautiously. As I came out of the room, one pair of eyes were raised and looked directly at me with red question marks all over them. I looked down to avoid their gaze and returned back to my seat. For the rest of the class, my head pounded with guilt and confusion. Many questions crowded my thoughts… did I do something wrong? What if I was caught? What will people think? Why did I have to hide? Was all this risk worth it? Was my task completed and will my task be accepted?

This was one of many times I felt like a criminal, sneaking away from the public to pray my “Salah”. Yes… you read that right. My task that day was to pray Asr Salah during my Drivers-Ed class. As mind boggling and confusing as it seems, many would agree to the fact that having to complete Salah in their due time and in a secluded place comes with great challenges. Let’s be honest. It isn’t as easy as said to pray anywhere at anytime when you have to live with the fear of being noticed or caught doing the unusual.

We live in a country mixed with many other cultures, religions and beliefs. Masjids (mosques) and prayer rooms are not frequently available, yet still we are blessed to have many such facilities throughout our locality. Praying in public concerns many. It provokes questions, discomfort, and if not anything else, glances. Well at times, we have no other option left but to pray amidst curious gazes. It gives you some courage when you are praying in public with someone else but the confidence to stand alone in prayer right in the middle of nowhere can be a tough task. Upon considering this topic, questions flooded my head. These questions filled my heart with fear and contritens. Is my Iman low to consider Salah a challenge? Is my Iman at its weakest to not pray fearlessly in public? Does the guilt and doubt in my head make my Salah invalid?

Meanwhile, another thought popped into my head. In College, we had a dedicated multi faith prayer room. It was the only welcome place to stop by and pray Salah without feeling awkward or out of place. For some, it would take 10-15 minutes to walk to the multi faith room depending on where you were on campus. Unless I was lucky enough to have my class in the same block, I would have to run several minutes back and forth for prayers, yet I would also see dedicated students running in-between classes or breaks to catch their prayers. While there were some who claimed “it was hard to walk or miss class and would make up their prayers at home”, my point here is not to claim how religious we are but to assert that “if there is a will, there is a way”. It is true that some of us aren’t strong enough to spread a mat down and pray right in the middle of everyone but most of us have to resort to more discrete locations. Store rooms, change rooms, corners, stair wells, closets, and clean washrooms… however weird the place is, there is no missing Salah (I’m sure those of us living in North America can related to this when it comes to Salah).

Alhamdulillah for the constant worry and concern about prayer. In one way, it is a great blessing from Allah the Almighty that the concern stays present, pushing us to complete our Salah at its due times. I have to reassure these words to myself in order for me to believe that my Iman isn’t failing. I am also pretty confident that other people out there also share the same feelings and experiences. Above all, Allah is the most merciful and He appreciates even the simplest of efforts we take towards gaining closeness to him.

“…If he draws near to me, a hands length, i draw nearer to him an arms length and if he comes to me walking, i go to him at speed…” (Sahih Bukhari)

So to all readers, let not Salah wonder away with time but hold onto it no matter how hard it is, and have faith in the Most Merciful.

“…And my mercy embraces all things” (7:156)

Lets plan our days around our Salah, and not our Salah around our day.